“What am I doing here?” (St. Luke’s: Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity – Sunday, May 27th, 2018)

Where should I be?  Have you ever walked into a room only to realize that you had forgotten why you were there?  If so, you are not alone in your absent-mindedness. The following story is told about the great 20^th-century British defender of Christianity, G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936): “This man stood 6’4″ and weighed about 300 pounds, usually had a cigar in his mouth, and walked around wearing a cape and a crumpled hat, tiny glasses pinched to the end of his nose, cane in hand, laughter blowing through his moustache. And he usually had no idea where or when his next appointment was. He did much of his writing in train stations, since he usually missed the train he was supposed to catch. In one famous anecdote, Chesterton wired his wife – this was the age before cell phones – and told her, “I’m at Market Harborough. Where should I be?” Perhaps you’re feeling a little bit like that this afternoon. You find yourself at Mass and you’re asking yourself: “What am I doing here?” Perhaps someone invited you, maybe you’re here today because it’s a special occasion, or maybe you simply can’t remember the last time you didn’t go to mass at 5:00 on Saturday afternoon. Regardless of why you think you’re here, I would like to tell you two things. First of all, “Welcome” and secondly, “As far as God is concerned, you are exactly where you are supposed to be.” That might strike you as a strange thing for me to say, but a lot of our experience of being a Christian – indeed, of being a human being – feels just like walking into that proverbial room. “Why am I here?”

Here we are. The fact is, most of us are here today because years ago, someone decided to have us baptized.  We were not consulted as to whether we thought this was a good idea. Someone else made the decision for us… and here we are.  Actually, life itself begins that way.  No one asked us if we wanted to be born. To take things one step further, this is the way it was with the universe itself. Our Christian faith teaches us that the universe didn’t come into existence by accident or on its own initiative; rather, the Apostle’s Creed – which we will proclaim in a few minutes – teaches us that the universe was created by God, the God who has revealed himself as Father, Son and Spirit. From the perspective of our Faith, everything is a gift – the universe itself as well as each one of our lives.  We didn’t ask for life; it was given to us. “Here we are – alive in God’s world.” At some point while we were still a baby, we realized that we were “here”; and eventually, someone may have shown us a picture of some guy in a costume trying to drown us – uh, I mean, pouring water delicately over our head as we were suspended over a baptismal font. And so here we are – alive and in church, perhaps to receive our First Communion.

Free? It might be a little unsettling to think about all of these decisions that were made for us – indeed, while we were unaware that they were being made. After all, we tend to think that we are in control of our lives, and that true freedom is the ability to make choices and decide to do and to be what we want. It’s true, we are free; but who gave us this freedom and what should we do with it? In 2014, the movie The Giver appeared in theatres.  Based on a novel by Lois Lowry (1993), The Giver is a story of a post-apocalyptic futuristic society where – to avoid all competition and conflict – drastic measures have been taken to ensure peace and order. The members of this dystopian society live lives that are strictly controlled by the state – no one has any major decisions to make. Families are “created” by the state – men and women deemed to be compatible are assigned to each other, and then infants are assigned to the couples in order to be raised by them.  At a certain age, children are assigned a profession for which they have been judged capable and which is suited to their personality and gifting. All the members of this “ideal” society live in the same type of home and receive a standardized amount of food each day. Daily doses of medication ensure that everyone’s emotions are kept in check.  What is more, only one member of this society – the “Giver” – has memories of a time when things were different. The main character of the story is a boy named Jonas who is chosen to be the next “Giver”. As he is given access to the memories of the human race throughout history, Jonas realizes that love is only possible in a world where people have free will, the freedom to make choices for themselves – even though that freedom often has disastrous consequences. This is indeed what we find in the Bible, a story of a world in which humans are free – free to embrace their identity as creatures of God, as well as free to reject their creaturely status and pretend to be God themselves. That is the choice that we are free to make.

Our compass. Back to the proverbial “what am I doing here?” room.  Most of the time – after the moment of initial shock and confusion – we remember why we entered that particular room, or we remember where we had intended to go before we started daydreaming and our feet led us to the place where we suddenly “snapped out of it”. At the moment when we “snap out of” going through life on autopilot mode, we may well ask ourselves some fundamental questions.  Our Christian faith tells us who we are, where we are and why we’re here.  We are the creatures who bear the image of the Creator, we are in God’s world and we were created to love and be loved. The Creator himself defined love for us – the moment when Jesus died on the cross was the moment when God the Father demonstrated – through the Spirit-filled Son – just what love is all about. True love gives all that it has to give for the good of the beloved. God gave us life; however, more often than not, we choose to reject his love and live in a prideful and selfish way. God gave us his Son to show us how to live and love, to provide forgiveness for our pride and selfishness – i.e. our “sin” – and to defeat all of the forces of evil by dying on the cross and finally conquering death itself through his resurrection.

God or me? So here we are – we are among the community who teaches us the Faith, the Faith that tells us where we come from and what we are destined to become. We are free – free to be obsessed with ourselves or to be in love with God. In J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, there is a character who – in my opinion – is the perfect image of a person who has become completely ensnared in her/himself. Sméagol – a hobbit-like creature – falls under the influence of the “One Ring”, a ring which promises ultimate power to the one who possesses it.  Of course, the Ring is a trap – it is actually the Ring who possesses the one who wears it. Sméagol’s very self becomes fractured and “Gollum” – his alter-ego – is in control most of the time. Due to Gollum’s obsession with the Ring and the prospect of becoming the most powerful being in the world, Sméagol/Gollum endures a solitary existence far removed from all other creatures, constantly tormented by memories of the crimes he committed in order to obtain the Ring. In the story, it is said that Gollum had “come to love and hate the Ring, just as he loved and hated himself.” Gollum’s existence is indeed a living hell – he is trapped within himself, unable to open himself to the world, to others, to life. This is the paradox concerning Christianity’s understanding of freedom. If we insist on our own way, we become – not powerful, free people – but rather slaves – condemned to serve dark powers who are in rebellion against the Creator and who seek our destruction.  On the other hand, if we surrender our lives to the One who gave us life, then we are truly free to enjoy the Creator’s gift. And that is what the Church is for – this is the “school” where we learn how to become truly human, how to make our lives count. Our ultimate teachers are the saints – those women and men who, over the course of a lifetime of surrendering to and being transformed by God’s love, became fully alive.  May the Trinitarian God, the God who is love, bring us all into that fullness of life. Amen.